Today, May 12th, is the Awareness Day for ME, Fibromyalgia, Lyme Disease, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and Multiple Chemical Sensitivity. I potentially have all of these (had my blood drawn for a Lymes test this afternoon). I don’t really talk about it too much, because while my illnesses are without a doubt a part of me and greatly impact my life, I try to not let them consume me. Some days it’s easier than others and today was not an easy day. Today I crashed, unexpectedly, and very hard, for the first time in a few months.
My day started out normally enough. I woke up tired and both slightly nauseated and ravenous. My hands hurt and my joints sounded like rice crispy treats as I got out of bed. I took my early-morning meds and started to make breakfast. Then I took my morning-morning meds, ate breakfast, and headed to class.
This is where it all started to go down hill. Today we got our take-home final. Instead of letting us go home to work on our 20 short essays we have to write by Tuesday we got to be free manual labor and plant plants for the school. Now normally I’m super happy to do anything with plants, but I had not budgeted my energy for planting today. Still, I felt okay enough that I thought if I was careful I would be okay. I didn’t dig many holes, I didn’t even do much of the putting of plants in the ground. I took plants out of the pots, because it wasn’t extremely physical, didn’t involve bending over or standing up quickly, and was still helpful. I thought it’d be okay.
I was wrong. It was sunny outside where we were working so I went in to get some water, because being hydrated is especially important for me. As soon as I got inside the crash hit. I felt light-headed, weak, nauseated, and disoriented. I couldn’t form thoughts or complete sentences. I got grumpy and felt like crying. Fortunately I was by myself so I didn’t have to communicate this to anyone. I grabbed my bag with my food, water, and meds and went back outside, one because it was cooler than inside, two so there’d be people if things got worse, and three so the professor didn’t think I skipped out early.
I ended up sitting on a bench, eating trail mix to get my blood sugar up, drinking my water, and eating salt to make sure my blood pressure didn’t drop too low. The professor started to give me a hard time about “sunbathing” but once I explained I wasn’t feeling well and was done for the day he let me be. Other than that, and the one kid who asked if I was okay, people pretty much left me alone. It was lovely because I could do what I needed to without having to explain or having people try to help and just making things worse.
I ended up sitting/laying on the bench until class was over, because I just continued to feel worse. Mom took me home after class and I was able to get a small nap (didn’t help) before I went to get my blood drawn and have acupuncture. And now I’m home. The worst thing about crashes is that I never know how bad they’re going to be or how long they’re going to last. Will I feel fine tomorrow or will I not even be able to get out of bed? This one is particularly unknown because unlike the last few I didn’t see it coming. I thought I’d be fine.
So now it’s a waiting game. I’m heating up some soup that I had frozen for days like this for dinner and drinking tons of liquid. I plan to lay on my couch for the rest of the evening and head to bed when the sun goes down. All I want to do is curl up and sleep. I’m hoping that maybe if I do the right things this won’t last long.
But yeah, so that’s what a crash looks like. Sometimes. All crashes are slightly different, but they’re never fun.