R is for Relapse…

… and resting on the couch.

Relapses are a normal part of illnesses like Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, but it doesn’t make them any easier. Knowing that relapses are normal is both comforting and terrifying. I’m much more familiar with the terrifying part, because the normalcy of relapses is scary when you’re not having one. It means that you could have one at any time, possibly for no reason at all. As of late though, I’ve become much better acquainted with the comforting side of knowing that relapses are normal. It, in a way, absolves me of guilt, because I haven’t necessarily done anything wrong to trigger the relapse.

Still, it doesn’t change that it happened, or more accurately is happening right now; I’m having a relapse. I know I’m speaking as if I have experience with this but I don’t, not really. This is my first major relapse. I’ve had minor ones before where a cold will knock me out for a few days or weeks, but not like this. My doctor thinks it was triggered 2 weeks ago by a stomach virus that is now long gone (hopefully) and there’s not much she can do about it. I’m basically supposed to rest, take my supplements, and hope it goes away.

And I do, I really do hope it goes away, because this isn’t fun at all. Right now I’m exhausted to the point that I spend most of my time in bed or on the couch; I have a chair in the kitchen so I don’t have to stand when I cook. I’m also not driving, as I do not feel capable of operating a moving vehicle. Even a 3-minute drive to CVS is incredibly difficult and scary because I can’t concentrate worth shit. I’m having difficulty with translating words into concepts and concepts into words, which is why I’m not writing quite as much as I’d like. The other symptoms change as unpredictably as Kansas weather in Spring. It’s frustrating.

I’m finding I fill the time I’m not sleeping with knitting (I’ve gotten quite a few test knits done for my Etsy shop), Doctor Who, and daydreaming on the couch. It’s not how I would chose to spend all of my time, but it’s how I’m spending it now. Hopefully by resting I will start to feel better and can start adding little things back in soon, because while R is for resting on the couch…

… it’s also for Recovery.


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